The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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