She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
