I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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