she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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