Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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