And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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