Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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