My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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