Don't you send me to vm
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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