Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
