I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
