Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
