You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
