i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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