Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
