the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
