I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
