Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We need to rekindle our bromance
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
