Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
