i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
