If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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