That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
