I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
