i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
