conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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