this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
