i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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