Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A bitchslap is in order.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
