I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
