That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
