Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
