White coat. Heels.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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