I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
