Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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