Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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