So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
