very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
