While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
