College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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