Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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