I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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