Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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