you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
