I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
