hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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