i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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