Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
