Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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