Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
