First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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