I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
