Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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